"hey , why you are showing such an attitude toward getting married? dont u wanna get married? freedom, own space and responsibilities are all just excuses... for not getting married! i mean its right age, u are almost of my age.... and see i am even having a baby at this age! whats the problem? what u wanna do with ur life? dont u think each age has its own physical and emotional need?" i literally shoted this time on my friend... actualy i had explained her the same point several times before... and this time i wanted her to respond!
she is my train friend![ we are travelling by same train from last 6 months, and its my nature to make friends around... ] .. lets call her as "A"...
"A" heard my almost shout tone, and smiled.. [though her eyes blinked with pain!]
"A" thought for some time and replied" can we stop for a coffee here?"... [generally "A" is always in hurry and she literally runs to catch a bus for her job destination... many times i asked her for COFFEE at station...but always she
denied!]
we were at CCD/ railway station, surat..[yes... at station also we have coffee day stalls !].
"bhumika, we belong to a caste were its custom to give money in wedding... [she smartly opted for money as custom.. n hadnt used word dowry !] , we are 4 sisters.. and u know i am the elder1, 3 of my sisters are studying... can i dream of my life at this point? second thing.. just a month before my family finalised 1 RISHTA for me, me and the boy met, we liked eachother... but.. we cant afford the custom they are asking for... though i have heard that that boy is still not married and is waiting for me/my family to approach! [ ahhh... isnt that a kind of LOVE???]....[ i could see in her eyes that she hoped the same.. and wanted to be with that guy the same way!] ..." :: "A" replied with a hope in her eyes and smile on face!
we got departed.... on my way , my mind raced... i felt numb! i started comparing myself with her!
ME.... more of selfish and practical @ life... all decisions of my life were always taken by me, @ studies,
@ life partner, @ wedding, @job.. n all! whether i made right / wrong decision... i felt responsible for my own decisions and felt happy as whatever i am today i am just because of myself! i believe in takin rational and practical decision , when its @ life! [ thats why i advised her also that she should contact that boy some how and convey the situation... it could be turn out as arrange+love wedding!]
and "A" .. she s living for her family! she is earning, supporting her family, encouraging her sisters to study! doesnt she has any dreams? what @ her life? she worries @ her younger sisters and their life..[ thats why she think, her wrong step can spoil many lives! and if she dnt marry even in worst case , she can always let her sisters help and get married [on cost of her life!]!]
i wondered who was wrong? me or she? my thinking was more practical or her idiology is much emotional?
lets leave all to god! i wish to god [being very very much optimistic for her!] that god should give some sense to the families of BOYS... and make them realise... "Girls are not for sale.. and neither their dreams!"...
do you purchase your father/mother/brother/sister or friends with money???? can money give a good feeling full relation??? then why some1 wanna ask dowry for wedding???
we all are "double standard ki standard misal!!!"
what can be cost of a girls dreams, hopes, ambitions, life ???
i feel .......................................
--- "beti bachao" , "kanya shikshan" all looks good just on paper...
--- "sabki ladli bebo", "mere ghar ayi ek nanhi pari", "hum ladkiyaan" ..all such TV soaps are a big FAKE!
i am also mother of a baby girl! i understand a lot the dreams parents have for their daughter's wedding!
Comments
Krishna Panchal
At the same time, now a days there are avenues other than "arrange marriage" to get marry. You may consider being a mediator btn the girl and the guy (you mentioned in post).
One way you feel that a girl is supposed to get married @ right(not defined) age, the other way you feel that girls are now more liberal than they were before.
If you really think that every lady should be allowed to take her own decision then why should one push that lady to leave her family? Cant she help her family by not marrying for some more time?
Also, being a citizen of male dominating society, I feel that the boy should have approached your friend and could have work out on a solution. After all, his family is causing all pain. Isn't it?