Mamtaji [Benarji ji] , are u listening?

"it was a hectic day! i am doing my best to complete syllabus but, students! ohhh.... when they will stop bunks? "

[my inner soul asked "ohh bhumika, .... what u did as a student? ! "-

i replied to myself "come on, i accept i had bunked many classes and had aimless random life, did all[right/wrong] which i wanted to do, though i enjoyed a lot... i suffered also a lot in all ways, specially intellectually - i cdnt achieve what i deserved.... i made mistake, while building sweet memories, i should had made strong knowledge base and bright career also!-- i cant advice my students to do the same mistake which i did!" ....

my inner soul shouted " cnt u stop delivering lecture even after 6.10 ? have a break n be realistic! why dont u just mind ur own business by not advising ne1 about what to do n what not to! " ....

humm... i finished , as i felt i should! ]

"have heer's birthday this month , need to make many arrangements.. have to get 6 leaves [LWPs] this month - i wonder why all prefer to get married in december only? jan n feb also seems good for wedding!.... tomorrow keyur will go to baroda at evening to attend a reception, i will have to reach home early.... but early means ?.... ohh i will manage... i wonder- will i manage? ... ohh i forgot masi reminded me to bring vegetables while returning back today... now who will explain her at 8.30 pm at ankleshwar i will have to play "veggie hunting" for her , isn’t it better to eat maggie instead? ........."..........................

my random stream of daily thoughts was interrupted by some1... i looked back with a bit anger to find out the dare devil...

"young lady [she was older then me!] , i am surprised to find you here! if u are done wid ur fantasies , look around... u and me are the "only" female passengers traveling by this "LADIES COMPARTMENT" and i am leaving on next station!... are u traveling by this train first time? don’t u know @ the rape on a 60 years lady by gang of 6 in this so called Ladies compartment last diwali! or u think u are superwoman? "

{ PS- i was traveling by SURAT-BHARUCH SHATTEL , i hate this train but can get this only most of the time.. n Ladies compartment of this train always has few ladies n more MASIji's [Masiji=" male traveling by Ladies compartment as a hobby for fun"] }...

"ohhhhhhhhh"..

had no words to speak when looked around! 2-3 mavalis were seated in my boggy playing Imran hasmi songs loudly on their china mobiles [ooohhhh... i felt dumb.. how i cdnt heard this noise!] ... n 4-5 gunda's were roaming here n there to get attention! [i was so much engrossed in thoughts that cdnt notice i was the easy , soft n "Only available" target out there! may be earlier whenever i traveled in this compartment by this train, i had 2-3 friends around upto ankleshwar, so cdnt notice such horrible possibility! though i was aware that this train has less crowd after kosamaba most of the time, i took chance... why did i??? ]

the ANGLE Aunty was still angry on me! i thanked od for sending aunty to rescue me!

I felt SCARED! [nething cd have happened! nething... i cdnt even imagine the possibilities!]

i changed compartment at next station[kosamba] ... reached home... couldn’t stop myself from discussing the incident with keyur... though i was aware he will get mad on me!

"it happens keyur.. i was not careless. just got caught in thoughts! u know how bold i am! n u know i can defend myself well! [do i?] for god sake stop reacting like hell.. i have been commuting for last 5 years.. dont u know? n in worst case i had mobile.. i know all emergency numbers... i can shout.. i can call u dear! cant i? dont u trust me n my capabilities? " - i defended myself poorly, though i knew i was wrong! bt didn’t wanted to show ....that i was frightened!

" i do trust u, ur boldness, ur mobile, n ur knowledge of emergency numbers! but what if u dont have coverage to make call? what if u shout n there is no1 to answer? what if train has started n till it stops something went wrong with u! u cant even defend urself in front of a lizard or dog! stop playing Zansi ki rani or indira gandhi! be realistic... n accept Odds! n promise me to be awake and in full senses while traveling! if u have to choose to travel with civilized Lofar[in general compartment] n typical Gunda-mavali-drunk[in ladies compartment of shattle], For god sake select first as u can defend at that level only! " -- Keyur said with wet eyes! wet with worries!

"ok , i will.." i cdnt stop my tears! Heer couldn’t understand why PA was angry on MA.. but i cd understand!

if LADIES COMPARTMENT which is meant to provide comfort n safety to ladies is not safe.... who says " Indian Railway - Salamat[safe ] Railway" ???

MAMATAji are u listening???

[please don’t advise me to register complain to railway about such harassment.. as i have already made such many complains at surat, ankelshwar stations before months.. where while registering complains they were treating me like ............. %#@#*& ... ! ]

am i caught in a wrong job ???

"i am tired of this job now! I am feeling sick being lecturer... need to read, read and only read whole time!!!! oooohhhhhhhhhh!" : its my usual complain!

"u r right bhumika, i m also feeling tired of this profession.... people think we need to just work for 1-2 hours a day, but who knows we need to read for so many hours! its so boring! what @ starting some new business?? suggest me some interesting work that i can opt for!!! " -- my cabinmate SK asked me wid same frustration... [ me n sk share a cabin in our department, its fun to be wid her as she s too straight , tran

sparent, and honest about all aspects of life! unlike me she speaks a little[so i get chance to speak more n

more n more!]..... ]

after discussion as usual SK sank back to her work! [she usually likes to keep herself busy in some work! Again not like me!!!... but ooops!]

n my mind got a topic to think! [ i love thinking - on the topic or off the topic!]

really .... life of lecturer is not as fun as all feel! all others always think like - lecturer have so easy and soft life! just take 1-2 hours per day load and have fun for rest of time! have a goo

d salary, lots of respect.. what else one needs in a job????

hummm... a lecturer do have 16-18 hours load per week .. but to teach 1 hour's lecture we need to read a lot! [minimum 3-4 hours/day!] and not a simple reading... we need to make a through reading... need to clear all concepts, and be able to present ourselves in a way that can solve ne

queries raised by students!

some persons love reading! i also love reading!

wait.................... i love non-technical reading[literature....]! [ooop ..... i m in wrong job perhaps!!!]

may be..... may be not!

but really do i think i am in wrong job????

hummmmmm....

naaah... not really!

why?

humm.... as u all know i have been working as well as commuting from last 5 years.... and have met so many people from different background! some worked for fun, some for food, some for family, some for individuality....

"A" was a nurse... we used to travel together... she was working at ahmedabad in a private hospital and living at nadiad.. she was commuting from last 20 years ... and was doin night duty from last 5 years with salary of 3000 merely ! ---- is she enjoying what she s doing?

"B" is an uneducated woman, whos husband is medically unfit to work, and son died in accident leaving his wife n son behind.... "B" sells artificial ornaments in train daily in ladies compartment to earn

bread for the whole family! how much she will be earning monthlly where her whole business runs almost on "Udhari" ???..... --- now when its tough to earn dinner n lunch for everyday , who cares for enjoyment???

"C" is a men in his late 50's.... at the age of retirement, who was once in NDA and spended all his income n savings for son's education n wedding... he is doin job of security in a small firm near his home, his son and daughter-in-law dnt care for him! " --- he has the proper dignifying job ?

"D" is a mechanical engineer in his mid 20's... a scholar an intelligent engineer... he runs his fathe

r's diamond business [willingly/unwillingly] ,which has no relation wid what he studied at all! --- is he feeling job satisfaction???

"E" is doctor, gynecologist.... she used to work i n a well known hospital of baroda and had a bright future,,, now she has just duty to cook, eat, shop, be with kids, make the family happy [ she has been converted as housewife forcefully doin emotional atyachar!!!! ] --- she s feeling sick or frustrated???

then why i am the only one who cries always for so called "job satisfaction" n all?

Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!

Thank God!!!

I love my job a lot! it not only pays me good salary but lots of respect , self-esteem and Independent identity!

what @ u all? feeling still frustrated? if no... dont forget to thank god!!!

I am missing my MIDDLE CLASS life-style and values!

"bhumika... speak on lower pitch! it seems like u r shouting, not talking! remember this is not your GORWA!" - keyur always reminds me about my highly amplified voice tone... as he expects i should talk less n that also at lower pitch! [ don't laugh! he s not d one who give up!... let him try!]

"ok.. i will remember it next time your highness ! and i have reminded you 1000 of times that it has nothing to do with GORWA, so dnt involve it ! you better recall you had to come from satellite to GORWA to convince my parents! " it was the same reply with a smile every time!!!! [ as i know he always knowingly include GORWA to discussion just to pull my legs!]

now if you dont belong to Baroda[india] , you might not be able to understand the core of above discussion!

GORWA is a middle class area, where i have been living for 21 years!

now i belong to Ahmedabad- satellite as a bahu of SHAH family!

in last week when my dear sis went to baroda for her vacations with her son... she reminded me of those golden days we spent at gorwa, in a middle-class family!

n sinking in past.. i found something strange!!!

being in a middle class family ....

we celebrated our happy occasions with a small cup of ice-cream[for a small celebration] or a mango dolly/chocobar/trycone [for big celebration!] .......... it gave us great pleasue... n it was a celebration in real sense.....

------ i wonder now we frequently go to good hi-fi

restaurants/juice centers/ice-cream parlors.... but it don't make me feel as special n content as i felt with a small cup of ice-cream!

i remember on each diwali papa used to gift me n my sis a new dress of his choice! we always waited the whole year for that special gift... and each time we put on that outfit, we felt we look more beautiful n special!

------ today i have my wardrobe full of cloths of my choice... but i dnt feel special @ any outfit!

we had a small flat [2BK] , but i remember all kids of my flat used to come n play at my home... as mom gave use liberty to do what we want.... with delicious food timely served!

------we have a bungalow [8BHK] at ahmedabad, but we hardly let our kids out to play or other's kids at our place! as no one need mess at the place!

earlier our flat had so much tightly bounded houses.. that what our neighbors are talking or doing we could easily listen or observe [ willingly/unwillingly!] .. .and that helped many times to solve some social issues of eachother, improving relations!

------- now we even dont know who lives in our neighborhood! giving the argument - Who has time to know and maintain relations??? talking with neighbours in corridor is termed as cheap gossiping which downs your impression! [ ahha.. maintain space... maintain ur status!]

LIFE IS STRANGE! or WE MADE IT STRANGE!

I miss my MIDDLE CLASS life-style and values! [ though from heart i am still a middle class gujju woman n will always be! ]

I respect all those women who work for their children!!

નિષ્ઠુર માતાએ પુત્રને સુરસાગરમાં ફેંકી દીધો

http://www.divyabhaskar.co.in/2009/11/05/091105030813_mother_throw_her_baby.html i was listening to a gazals of jagjit singh.... was about to reach to surat station , travelling by Bhilad Express... and suddenly one pf my co-passenger showed me this news... i read it.. and cdnt speak a single word! 1 tear drooped out.... "keyur , dont throw those toys.. heer loves them... i know half of them are broken... bt heer s attached wid them and i also feel they are special as they belongs to my princess!.... naah... i am not going to dump her old cloths either!!! i can still smell her from her cloths... and all her belongings are special for me to be treasured for lifetime! dammm to diwali safai.. i will put all safely somewhere for ur satisfaction! " i wonder! i cant even dump my baby's old toys/cloths.... and somewhere near me... a mother dumped her child! i feel i was not so much emotional..... but after being a mother , it was my new birth..... i felt all new emotions which were unfelt, unexplored till now.. being a mother, i cnt digest that a mother can be so cruel! i respect all those women who work for their children! in whatever professions they are.... good/bad... they are there just for their children's future! may god bless the child who died without seeing this beautiful world!

when i met Paresh rawal Uncle ....

It was 9.30 AM...

place :: surat railway station

i was waiting for a rickshaw.... "bhagad", "chawk", "parlepoint", "athwagate" ..........

yeah... i waved for that rickshaw... got my shuttle-rickshaw to reach to athwagate .

[ what is shuttle-rickshaw ???

- please dont search for d meaning of it on GOOGLE !

its a local word... let me explain u d meaning!

Shuttle rickshaw is a rickshaw where more many unknown persons share a rickshaw

just for the sake of cost cutting!

concept is very poppular in every city for working persons.. specially i do prefer it as i think why to spend 20 RS when u can get to d destination in 8 rs? .... joyu have vaniya jeu vicharta shikhi j gai!

]

coming back to todays episode....

i was alone in rickshaw for just 2 minutes.. n after that i found 2 other persons seating next to me! one elderly uncle of my father's age just besides me.. n a young girl besides him... two more young guys accompanying the driver ... [total 5 passengers+1 driver..... amazing? naah its normal here, it can extend to 6+1, 7+1... depending on passenger's body/weight!!!]

it was usual drive for me though.. suddenly the uncle besides me asked " remember, yesterday also we were sharing a rickshaw!" ....

i just nodded wid a forceful smile on face! { generally i prefer not to talk wid strangers ... b

t as that person was at d age of my father i showed my respect by not avoiding his Q!]

"from where do u come?" ......

"Ankleshwar" - i replied wid as short reply as i cd give!

1 min silence...

now wid a gr8 suspense n a lot surprise uncle "Chipku" asked - " i also come from ankleshwar, have never met u on station!"

i just nodded without smile this time!

{ Well ... do u meet to all on station???.. then u must be seating at ticket counter.. }

"dont tell me u travel by SECOND CLASS ?"

"yes i do".... i replied without lookin at Uncle "chipku"

{ travelling By Second class is crime??? i was not aware! }

"where do u stay at ankleshwar...?"

i didnt replied....

"where do u stay at ankleshwar...?"

"near lions school" - i gave fuzzy answer... to stop conversation...

"what ur husband do???"

...............................................................

"beta..... i hope i m nt disturbing u! what ur husband's occupation?"

"he owns a firm." ---- i replied shortly just respecting his age!

"you belong to a businessfamily.. .then why u work.... timepass karva nai????"

"no..."- i didn't wanted to discuss wid him all why and how!

{ is it necessary that if u belong to a wealthy family u need not to work.. what u should do is do shopping... roam around wid costly cloths, jewellery and just do show off... }

"how many children u have?"

"1, a baby girl n name is heer".... i gave all possible info in single Question to stop his Questioning machine!

"and who else lives wid u there?"

....

i was pretending that i m sleeping...

bt uncle chipku had migh decided to do Phd on my family history...

so he asked agin d same Question...

"my jeth n his fmaily lives wid us!"

{i told him lie.. as i didnt wanted to give him a chance to raise more Questions like "if u live alone.. who takes care of ur daughter?... "who makes luch n dinner"..... n all....}

"where do u work???"

"in college..".... now my anger was increasing ...

i was askin myself... why i am answering his all Questions?

n i though....

May be he s flirting[yes.. such uncles r the ones who r expert in this skills, all gals reading this will agree wid it promptly!]

.. bt it is also possible that he is missing his daughter of my age.. or he s askin Questions just for passing time.. or he s just toooooooooo talkative[ like paresh rawal of judai!"]...................

- n it is easy to insult a guy of ur age or younger then you for such behave labeling it flirting... but our culture dnt allow me to insult an elderly uncle just on a basis of daught!

"then u can afford to travel by first class... why dont u come by first class? i will give you seat if u wish!"

"No thanx... UNCLE!"....

{ " uncles like u are reasons why i dont travel by first class.... "... i wanted to say bt cdnt! i tried to calm down myself...

BTW its d worse fact! --- though we can afford first class travelling easily, me n many of my executive friends travel by ladies compartment... just to get away from such UNCLES and unnecessary flirting that becomes headache as we do commute daily by same train!....}

"by which train u come back at eve????"

now i was too angry to answer....

"by which train u come back at eve????"

i was lookin outside of rickshaw to make him feel i am not interested in talk...

"by which train u come back at eve????"

i stared to Uncle Chipku wid a look of anger for 5 minutes...

{my friends knows @ my staring ability a lot! i can embarrass any1 without speaking a single word! }

It worked!

after my embrassing stare uncle Chipku got to MUTE Mode...

i thanked god... as it finished just by a stare n i didnt needed to slap or create a scene!

i wondered... its just @ me... n thank god as i m an average gujju girl... n yet i do meet wid such NAMUNAs very frequently ...

i wondered what would be happening to the gals who are very beautiful/attractive!

i also felt society has gone so sick!!!! whom to trust n whom to blame???

i am not writing this post to get sympathy ..

As me and gals like me are bold enough to cope up wid all possible odds and can manage such psychos easily... buy just wanted to share...

"aisa bhi hota hai!"

People laugh as I am DIFFERENT, I laugh coz they are all SAME!

"हजारो ख्वाहिशे ऐसी के हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले....

बहोत निकले मेरे अरमान.... मगर फिर भी कम निकले!!!"

"Look at HEER.... keyur, She is so happy! She s absolutely new Heer we have discovered on this diwali at ahmedabad unlike what she was, who loved to be lonely wid mom n dad only, now she loves to be wid full family, plays[ i should say fights!] with cousins, roams around wid dada-dadi, gets adored wid mota papa-mummy! dammm... we gotta go back tomorrow... back to normal-boring routine, back to atomic family!!! why we cnt have a joint family? why ??? " - what my words left unsaid.... all was said by the tears ....

{

what do we mean by a joint family these days???

a family where we have mom, papa, kid, grand parents living together... [happily or unhappily ... its out of context! ]

but... as i remember before some years.... joint family meant where you can find the whole family including mother, father, kid, grand parents, uncles, aunties, their families, gran-grand parents and many other relatives living HAPPILY together.....

gosh....... definitions are changing so fast!

today our atomic family is one where we have a family wid father, mother n kid[s]....

tomorrow may be definition of atomic family will revise as family wid only life partners/ live-in partners/ any type of partners...

god knows what next!!!!!

}

My Question was simple..... which i had raised many times before.... and i was not waiting for any kind of reply from keyur , as keyur had cleared all possibilities and situation many a times before....

पर क्या करे?

ये इमोशन भी कितने स्टुपिड होते हे! लोजिक ही नहीं समजते !

I have accepted the situation happily as it is .... as all my relations are very important for me !

why?

in last 5 years i have found many ODDs in me.... which makes me mismatch for a joint family !

• i am very good in technical skills ..... but that cant overcome my poor kitchen skills! [ though i am improving, had prepared meal for 15 persons last satday! but i dont see myself in love with cookin skills....n make papad, achar, farsan, sweets etc!]

• I am good in communication skills.... but whats advantage of it , if it don't include ladies special skills such as bargaining , buttering, doin emotional atyachar to convince some1 .....

• Family do have higher priority for me over job... but that don't mean i will attend any unnecessary family function on cost of my job responsibilities! [ my job don't just pay me money , its paying me a status and a lot respect just because i am worth it and for that i need to set priorities and follow it! ]

• I do love and respect my family a lot.... but i do have different thinking, priorities and career goals.... May be, i am selfish..... cant sacrifice my dreams and goals....

Perhaps that makes me too much misfit to any traditional family!

The List is Looooooooong......

but.... the most surprising fact in my life is...

"Accepting all ODDs of mine my family [not just my hubby... whole family] has accepted me wid my own space! " [ they had any other option ??? ]

Though i am trying my best to improve all my Odds... still... there s no more hope... because...

"No one can improve Perfection! "

{n i am perfectly imperfect !}

what say friends?

Arranged Love Marriage:: Is it worth?

New book From Chetan Bhagat - 2 States

2 States
Love marriages around the world are simple:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy.
They get married.
In India, there are a few more steps:
Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy.
Girl's family has to love boy. Boy's family has to love girl.
Girl's Family has to love Boy's Family. Boy's family has to love girl's family.
Girl and Boy still love each other. They get married.

and story finishes!

They lived happy ever after! Is it so ????????????????

as an answer i can write a novel .... [ahhh.... sure i can... but who will read?]

from my point of view.... above story is near to many youngsters, as many have faced it and many still facing! its fascination.... to fall in love, to raise in love, to hang out wid love [ of course chori-chori, chupke-chupke!] , to make ur family meet and like [forcefully always!] ur choice... and to get married wid everyone's will and support[ is that possible really?]! its all like a fairy dream....

and as a dream its passes FAST.........

welcome to the story that begins to this end!

its not a dream - as its eye opener!

its not fascinating... but frustrating many times!

welcome to world of "Arranged Love Marriages " .

[ohhhh .... i have heard of Arrange marriage, Love marriage but whats that arranged- love marriage??? ]

"Arranged Love marriage" is an organization where the bride n groom think they r perfect and made for each other but their families think their son / daughter has the worst choice in d world and if given time and better choices they can force their son / daughter to change their decision and lead to their better future!.... sometimes even after their wedding !

I remember one incident ::

" 1 boy brings his 3 friends [ "a", "B", "C"] at his home for a get-to-gather.. all 3 girls are from different background, proficiencies and knowledge skills.... next day, boy asks her mother, from 3 gals which u think i m in love wid? without wasting a second, mother replies "B". son feels so happy saying " mom, ur d best mom in the world! how u came to know @ my choice ?"... mother smiled n replied... "B was the only girl i didn't liked a bit! " ---- thats is Arranged Love Marriage scenario ... "

Loving some1 is easy, maintaining love with "STILL SINGLE" status is easy, promising each-other to love and respect each-other's family is also easy!

[ Promises are made to be broken!]

but when it comes to ACT as promised and to love not only to your life partner but also to his/her entire family , practically it is possible but causes pain and several damage to one's individuality or respect!

each person [a boy or a girl] has an individual identity, own likes/ dislikes, strong/weak points, skills/limitations, good/bad habits, dreams... how can u expect to change his/her promptly, overnight and why??? why 1 need tho change his/her identity?

In arranged marriage Parents have selected daughter/son-in-law. so, they have considered the criteria of selection strong enough to meet their requirements! [ what an efficient search engine we have practically!]. and in arranged love marriage..... do parents have any choice ? they are forced to accept, and this force is resulted in the friction and chain of problems!

Both the families of bride and groom feel hurt , betrayed by their beloved kid and can not forget what dreams they had for their son/daughter's wedding, what plans they made, how good life partner they wanted to search [always prince/princess!] and sadly what a poor choice their son/daughter has!

On the other side, after wedding bride/groom who used to have romantic chats for hours, and spent countless hours admiring each other, after marriage spends most of time in justifying why their mom/dad said something or said nothing [!] and argue @ all bad habits they have which needs to be changed overnight as the family dnt like it ! the adjustment which is smooth in case of a typical Indian arranged marriage becomes painful like hell in arranged love marriage!

is it so painful?

Yes... at least for first 2-3 years, as it is the time both bride/groom and family takes to get adjusted unwillingly...

Arranged Love Marriage:: Is it worth? [pain V/s love]

Certainly " Yes"..... as little pain can bring your LOVE , a beautiful relation and lots of colors to ur life, its always worht!

What say people???